Vitality Stories

Leona Beck

The Best Way To Meet Your Parents

Sometimes it takes two

If you really want to get to know your parents, or a loved one, write their memoirs.

My mom, Bonnie, and I wrote her memoirs and the experience changed the way I think about her as a person. Before Memoirs (BM) she was my imperfect mother. But today, I think of her as a woman who was navigating her way through life, in a different era, making choices that resulted in pride, laughter, tears, or regret. I catch myself comparing my life at forty-four years old to what she was doing when she was forty-four, and every single time I think, whew, I’m so glad I’m not in those shoes. (If I was, I would have eight kids with a ninth on the way, a troubled marriage, a pile of bills, and I’d be struggling with undiagnosed bipolar disorder.) I also learned to accept that her perception is her reality and this makes me more patient when our collective memories or experiences don’t add up.

What I’m trying to say is writing your parent’s memoirs might be one of the best gifts you’ll ever give to yourself. It will be a different gift for each person. In my case, it was forgiveness.

But where to start? How to start? There are many books available on how to write memoirs. I’m sure my process will continue to improve, but for those of you who are thinking about this worthwhile project, here are the steps I take with each of my clients. Continue reading →